Feeling Spiritually Stuck?

Don't hate the Player (yourself), hate the Game.

We are in a time of massive and profound shifts and changes - the most we'll see In our lifetimes (unless you're a vampire). If you're doing the Work in your own spiritual growth, then you're able to watch it from the outside In. You may even have a front row seat to some wild shit play out with your family & friends In the past few months. Even better, maybe you're placing boundaries around those very folks.

But 2025 is truly the year to shit or get off the pot. I'm not joking. We can choose to stay stagnant/complacent within our daily lives or we can opt to grow, heal and move forward. If you're faced with a really toxic habit, relationship or pattern, chances are it's making itself REALLY obvious right now. In fact, we're watching it play out on the global platform - as Americans, we have oligarchs and the entire cast of the MeToo movement In the driver's seat, dismantling oversight platforms that keep us safe; insider trading pads their pockets to the tune of billions while the middle class loses a chunk of their hard-earned retirement; hatred for immigrants, free thinkers & speakers, trans people and women runs rampant. Students are being robbed of their voices. Empathy is mocked by incels and real-life narcissists. Alt-right Christian nationalists are taking shots at our Constitution. Watching it all happen simultaneously can be disheartening, sickening and overall disturbing to watch. But it doesn't mean you can use it as an excuse to scapegoat your own healing journey.

Yes, the world may feel like a dumpster fire right now, but that doesn't mean you can't work on yourself. YOU deserve joy, healing & happiness just as much as the next person. But you can't get to that place playing the short game.

Many of us were raised believing that this life is our only shot and then we either head north to chill with Sky Daddy (god) or travel south to join Bad Daddy (devil) in the everlasting infernal hot tub. But what If we get more than one chance to get it right? And how do we identify which patterns are holding us back?

Here's how life-long toxic behaviors show up through our Divine Feminine & Masculine energies:

• Toxic Femininity:

  • Victim mentality: you blame your bad habits on your upbringing or past traumas but never try to heal them.

  • Judgement: you have ignorance-based hatred or judgement of other people who you choose not to understand. This shows up as gossip or slander, targeting others for ridicule.

  • Insecurity & Imposter syndrome: your response to past abandonments and hurts. You believe you're unloveable or undeserving of good things. You self-sabotage.

• Toxic Masculinity:

  • Power abuse: you were made to feel unsafe when you were younger, so you become the bully to others to ensure you'll never be hurt again.

  • Emotional avoidance: You love bomb, then pull away when things get too serious. Chances are, a parent did the same thing to you as a child.

  • Addiction Issues: you obscure your feelings and human experience by consistently using a substance to blot out emotions. This Is a bigger picture Issue that Involves a number of potential sources.

Many folks believe that healing comes from just your Soul. Western organized religion has definitely set up Its honor system that If you only do soul work (Ie. praying your way out of a situation, external accountability like confession or fellowship or subscribing to any program that promises to be the only solution to your problem), you can ascend through life and almost guarantee your spot In Heaven.

When you do Soul Work - yes, It helps you take a look at the Immediate problem, but It doesn't consider, study and heal the bigger Issue aka the Pattern that you're In. For this, you need to tap Into your Higher Self.

Let me explain.

Your Higher Self is the higher consciousness that resides within you - from what I've learned from Spirit and my Guides is that we live many lives. Yes, Reincarnation. And each of us has our own unique Story Arc that follows us from life to life, also called our Purpose. This Purpose, or reason for why we Incarnated, gets doled out life by life as we slowly grow into who we're meant to become. The Higher Self governs that Story Arc and ensures that we're on our karmic path as we go from life to life, soul to soul. The Higher Self sees at 30,000 feet, while the Soul Is boots on the ground, replete with Free Will, having a human experience.

So - that said, if you're on a healing journey, wouldn't you want to find the long term solution instead resorting to a series of short term band-aids?

Here are a few tips & exercises on how you tap into your Higher Self.

• OPEN YOUR MIND - I cannot emphasize this enough. You cannot live an insular life experience where you stay put and think everyone should have the same lifestyle as you. You need to travel, immerse yourself in other cultures, read books, expand your mind beyond what you were taught as a child. Do things that challenge your fears and make you uncomfortable. GROW. You will never expand outwards, walking In the same circle day after day.

• Get good on your Spirituality: ground yourself in energy regularly, spend time in Nature, find joy & awe in the world, get quiet and check in with mindfulness. (ie. meditation, tarot, lighting candles, self-care bath, going for a walk etc.)

• Tap into your Ancestors to better understand your own Ancestral Trauma. One way that I have found to be super beneficial is to create a Traumagram or a Trauma Tree.

  • In this exercise, you draw a family tree and then you lay out all your family members. Under their description, you write out their traumas, whether they were the survivor/ victim or the perpetrator. When you pull back and look at the bigger picture, you see big themes play out in your family aka lack of education, disempowerment, sexual traumas, mental/physical abuse, poverty, abandonment or emotional unavailability. This, In turn, allows you to see what role you played In perpetuating cycles vs. healing them.

• Heal your Narrative

  • In this exercise, you write out all the beliefs about yourself you were raised with - both bad & good. Anything negative about yourself, do some deeper journaling to isolate why you feel this way. You'll start to see the sticky, negative stuff that your parents/ siblings/ family/ church/friends/school/teachers placed on you and understand how those Narratives hold you back in life now.

  • So here's what you do. You write out a list of what those folks made you feel about yourself and then you write another list of who you know yourself to be. For the past narrative list, you're going to burn it and release it. For the present narrative list, you'll place it somewhere you'll see it every day: bathroom mirror, interior of your car, wherever.

  • Who you truly are, the beautiful and the good, should become your mantra.

• Therapy. This is a no brainer. But I want to see more men/ masculines in therapy. Hold yourself and your traumas accountable instead of smearing it all over everyone else. Women/ feminines have our own shit to carry - we shouldn't be responsible for your baggage too.

• My favorite trauma processor: Giving my trauma or negative inner voice a name. Her name is Nancy. When "Nancy" tells me that I'm unloveable or that I can't possibly do something I want to do, I tell Nancy to fuck off. And she does.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, but your Spirit Guides do. And you have an immense, beautiful well of opportunity within yourself. You alone have the capacity to heal, but it starts WITHIN YOU. You don't have to chase anyone or anything to find accountability and healing so you can get closer to your Authentic Self.

But you, my friend, have to take the first step. Love you.